There is a lot that happens in our lives. Over the many past years of my life I have asked myself why. Why did this happen? Why me? Why now? Why?
When I was twelve years old one of my very good friends passed away in a car accident. Reading an email while on vacation that stated she passed away changed my life. I remember that day, like I have with many great life changing events that caused the same feelings and emotions. I remember asking why.
At twelve years old I did not understand why someone I cared about so much had to move on from this life. As time continued on I just accepted the situation and moved forward remembering the great memories she and I shared. Every year on specific days I remember the lessons and heartache I felt from different trials starting with that first one.
Two years passed by and another trial came into my life. My father passed away in a car accident. At fourteen years old I still didn’t understand why someone I cared about so much had to move on from this life. It was harder to accept that situation because it was someone who created me, raised me, and loved me everyday of my existence. I was angry and hurt, I prayed and asked why and for the first few months I never got an answer to why that situation had to happen to my family and I.
Another two years passed by and yet another trial came into my life. The difference with this trial is that it was one that happened because of the choices I was making. I was pregnant and expecting a child. I asked the question why every single day. Whether is was questioning why the father decided to leave or questioning what I should choose to do. It was a trial I brought into my own life, and knowing that it answered one of my daily questions to why I was in the situation in the first place.
As I have shared before I chose to place my son in an open adoption. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I was able to heal over time with my decision. I still question why today because of little decisions that were made not by me but by others I care about dearly.
After years and years of questioning why, I think I found my answer.
We hear a lot that things happen for a reason. I realize that yes there is truth to that, but also things happen because of the choices we make. My friend passed away because she was not wearing her seatbelt. She still could have passed away even if she was wearing a seatbelt, but we wouldn’t know that because she wasn’t. My father passed away because a horse was on the highway, and according to the doctors, if the horse was standing two inches to the left or right, he may have not suffered so much bodily damage. I was pregnant because I did not listen to guidance about abstinence. These are just the scientific reasons that explain those trials.
I was able to find answers for some of my trials. That does not mean those are the exact reasons and answers to why they happened. When trials happened, I turn to God. Many turn away from God because the trials that happen do not seem to bring happiness. As I have learned happiness is a choice. Happiness occurs when we choose to be happy. When those trials happened to me I instantly saw the sadness and hurt they brought into my life. Once I decided to stop questioning why and decided to look for the blessings that were occurring, I found complete happiness.
Asking why is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You won’t get your answer by complaining or pouting about how hard the trial is to live through. You won’t find the needle by making a mess of the haystack by thrashing through it. If you take your time, and search through the haystack fraction by fraction then you will most likely find the needle. If you stop asking why and focus on finding your happiness you can truly move forward and learn from trials.
Written by: Makena Porter
To follow more of Makena’s story, read her stories “Choosing Life” and “The Love of a Birth Mother” on Real Imprints.
This story appeared first on Real Imprints.
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