Hi, My name is Tiffany Hebb. One very normal day, my sweet 2 year old son, who loved to help me do things around the house, had a tragic accident that took his life. The morning of his accident, Ollie and I took our last bath together, then we started on our daily chores. Ollie loved to help with EVERYTHING. He was my little shadow and I didn’t mind one bit. We began to put clothes into the washer and he ever so gently was my assistant. We finished loading the washer and we both walked out of the laundry room. I went into the other room and I thought Ollie followed me. After a minute of silence and no sight of sweet Ollie, I called for him. No answer. I called again. Still not a sound. I began to look for him. No sound, no sight of him. (As I write this now I feel the anxiety building inside of me, just like it did that awful and unexpected day. Life was going along so smoothly. We had just moved to Oregon for my husbands new job, I was 8 months pregnant, and Ollie was a dream child. Life was pretty good!!) I started to get worried since he was always right next to me eery day all day long. I had never spent a day away from him, until he passed away. I looked at the stairs, no sight of him and I knew it hadn’t been long enough for him to make it up, so I would have seen him. Then I checked the back door. No sight of him. I knew he couldn’t have gone far. He was just right next to me, helping me. I looked in the laundry room, no sight of him, but the washer lid was now open. I looked at it, but I thought to myself that there was no way, just no possible way he could be in there. Something told me to reach my hands in. NOPE. I wasn’t going to do that. I was afraid of what I might find. I couldn’t do it. I then built up the courage-this all happened with in seconds in my mind-I then placed my hands in the cold water. I felt my son, my sweet Ollie boy. My life immediately shattered into a million pieces. My heart was instantly broken and fell to the floor. I screamed. I screamed so loud. NO NO NO….This couldn’t be happening to me. I am a great mom, how could I have let this happen to my sweet buddy? How could this be happening in my life? How could something this scary and awful happened to precious Ollie? My tender Ollie’s body was stuck and lifeless. Oh the shear pain, the horror, the heartbreak. I could not get him out, so I propped his head and went screaming frantically out the front door to call 911. My body flew across the street as I was yelling for someone to help me get Ollie out of the washing machine. My neighbor was a child care provider and I knew she was always home, she came running. She was in a panic. She saw Ollie and began to cry, she then tried to help me pull him out. I had to walk out while she did what she had to do….we then began CPR. The paramedics shortly arrived and worked on him for about 20 minutes. I began to call my family. I first text my husband the horrible news. I knew his heart would instantly crush. By far the worst text to ever get. Such shock. Such devastation. I then called my mom and barely could squeak out what happened to her first grand-child. She was devastated and I felt her heart crumble.
Ollie was then transported to the hospital just down the road. They worked on him for about another 25 minutes. They got a heartbeat. I had HOPE. I had lots of hope at this point. Ollie was given a blessing with the priesthood to call upon the Almighty to help a miracle happen and life to be given back to his body if it was God’s will. We knew we needed a miracle and God was the guy to do it.
Ollie was again transferred to a children’s hospital in Portland. If he was going to be saved, they could do it. We got there and they assessed him, gave him a pic line and took Chris and I into a room- we had no family in Portland. The doctor began to tell us he had 0% brain activity and in 3 days his body would completely shut down even if he stayed on life support. Chris and I sobbed and wept uncontrollably. This really happens to people? How could we still be alive after hearing the worst news of our lives? Ollie was going to die.
The next 24 hours were heart wrenching and exhausting in every way. We didn’t sleep or eat. We sat and watched Ollie, praying for a miracle. We couldn’t hold him, just sit, pray and hope.
Our family arrived and helped us carry our heavy burden. They gave us comfort and hope in life after death. They gave us hope in miracles and God’s plan for every human. Ollie was near.
We all knew after 24 hours and no sign of improvement, it was time to take him off life support and hold him as he passed on from this life. They removed all the tubes and lines. The sweet nurse asked if I wanted to hold him? I had never wanted to hold someone so bad. My heart hurt so intensely and deeply. I held him, I kissed him, I sobbed. I couldn’t be doing this. How could I live with out my first born son? How could I say goodbye? Many prayers were said and I believe this is how we were able to say goodbye to Ollie.
Ollie was passed around between Chris and I and our family for 6 hours. We got to sing to him and tell him how much we loved him. It was such precious moments with him. I know Ollie heard every word and felt every tender kiss. It was tender, but oh so exhausting as we watched him gasp for air for 6 solid hours…
Chris and I by this point were physically and emotionally exhausted. We somberly left the hospital not saying a word. We left without our son. There was nothing to be said. We were broken. A piece of us died and went with Ollie to heaven. I got into the back seat of the car and saw Ollie’s car seat. He wasn’t in it. Oh my, how could I never put him in his seat again? How could I go to sleep without him? How could I go on without ever hearing his voice again?
That night was the worst night of my life so far. Chris and I lay in bed sobbing and weeping for our son. We were so lonely and scared. Shattered. The house felt so cold and quiet. Ollie was never coming home. Ollie would never walk on the earth again with his physical body. We thought our life should have ended too that day-we felt as if we were dead. By some miracle we have pushed forward day by day. Each day passing brings us one day closer to seeing Ollie Kai Hebb.
Two years later, I am still alive and walking-just barely. Some days are better than others. I still cry a lot. I still miss him just as much as the day he had his accident. I still smell his clothes that are kept in his top drawer. I look at them daily. I have pictures of him in every single room in my house. Ollie is talked about daily. His siblings know him by name. We do not understand why Ollie was taken and a miracle didn’t happen, but we do have hope. That is all we have after we have nothing else, HOPE. We have hope in seeing him again. We have lots of hope when we feel him near. One thing that gives us even more hope is, we all will die one day too. We don’t have to live forever without Ollie.
Since Ollie passed away I gave birth to his little sister Poppy Kai Hebb one month later. We also had another son named Loxxley Koa-Kai Hebb, who was a preemie, born at 28 weeks gestation and 2lbs. He is our little miracle we prayed for and our prayers were answered with him. He is a fighter and continues to amaze us. We find a lot of comfort in believing that each of us here on earth has a specific purpose and plan. Our days are numbered here upon this earth and no one knows when we will be taken. We now try to live each day for Ollie. We try to get outside of ourselves and serve others in need. We now also take one day at a time and Cherish the moments we spend with our loved ones.
My two favorite saying:
We can and will do hard things!
Someone always has it worse.
Follow Tiffany Hebb and her family on their blog: www.hebbsters.blogspot.com
Story written by: Tiffany Hebb
This story was seen first on Real Imprints.