Infertility and Faith

FaithMy husband and I waited til we’d been married a year before we starting to try and start a family. We were really excited to be pregnant last year, but much to our sorrow we miscarried at 6 weeks, the day before Father’s day. I felt the love of Heavenly Father and my Savior saying it’s going to be ok. It still was incredibly emotional when others would announce that they were pregnant, and I felt broken. My body seemed to take forever to get normal again and after missing a period for two months with negative test results, it didn’t help.

Finally, we got pregnant again, but none of my family wanted to get our hopes up because just 6 months earlier I’d miscarried. We were hopeful when I made it 10 weeks, and then the ultrasound said I was only 7 weeks in size….with twins. They said we would just keep an eye and let things happen naturally. I went back a few weeks later and I was measuring 5 weeks and my hcg levels had dropped meaning for sure one of the twins had been absorbed, and the doctor told me there was no sign of growth and we should do a d&c. Being hopeful this would restart my body and I would get my body normal again, we also had my blood taken to test for a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Liden, that would have explained blood clotting in the placenta and terminating the pregnancy…that test came back negative. So doctors can’t tell why my perfectly normal hormones and my slightly indented uterus (bicornate uterus) is causing me to lose pregnancies.

Being a Latter-Day Saint, my husband gave me a blessing from the Lord saying I would be blessed with children at the perfect time…not a moment too soon or too late. I received that blessing about 3 months ago. It was the end of January 2014 when I had my miscarriage with the twins at 7-10 weeks.

When I would bring it up because of how much I had learned about the body and obgyn stuff, I was fine. It stung for the first time when we were at a friends house and another friend who didn’t know our situation was there and talked about when they had their first ultrasound and everything was fine with a heart beat and movement, and then the second ultrasound shows that it’s a girl and everything is fine..and we were thinking…yea, I didn’t have that experience… Though we were told not to even try for 3-6 months, and I was ok with that because I knew not to expect anything, it’s still hard to be sitting in Sacrament meeting during a baby blessing with all their family, and it the quiet recesses of my heart, hoping and anticipating the day when I will have my family there to rejoice in a baby blessing for me and my husband…or when another sister announces she’s 16 weeks pregnant. I rejoice with them but it still stings.

I have been told I’m so strong and other ladies have told me they don’t know if they could do it. Truth is, it’s not me being strong. It’s me receiving strength. Not only that, but I had no choice.

My husband and I are doing our best to be faithful to God and what He has in store for us, without being bitter, for heaven sakes, Sariah and Abraham were barren until Isaac came along miraculously.

In the mean time, my husband and I can build up our resources, get a place of our own, and take care of other people’s children and I can enjoy substituting and being a mom that way. It’s not my ideal situation, but if this isn’t the perfect time according to the Lord, then that’s fine with me.

Story written by: Dana Sevy

This story appeared first on Real Imprints.