I will never forget being young and newly married and receiving the most beautiful dream about a baby boy. He came to me twice in two separate dreams. He was about 2 years old in both the dreams. I remember thinking he was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He had gorgeous olive skin and brown hair just like my husband. It was the most real dream I had and still have ever dreamed to this day.
It happened when I was 21 years old and little did I know, it would be that dream that would save me from so much pain. Twelve long years waiting patiently and several unsuccessful fertility treatments later, he finally came to me.
After I got married in 2003, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease, chronic fatigue, and fibromyalgia. A few years later I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, endometriosis, and irritable bowel syndrome. My husband also suffered from male infertility issues. Between the two us, we had less than a one percent chance to get pregnant.
During this time of infertility, I had a very strong and specific spiritual prompting. The prompting was always the same and it would come about once a year: that I would not have children until later in life. Each year we would be unsuccessful in getting pregnant and each year I would hear those words.
During this time I felt a strong prompting to work in the temple, a place Mormons go to worship and make covenants with God. I worked in the Spokane, Washington temple for 2 years and the Albuquerque, New Mexico temple for 6 years. Working in the temple for all those years saved me during this time of infertility.
One day, after 10 years of infertility, I was working in the temple and I had a strong impression that it was time! It was finally time for my boy to come. I was now 32 years old and finally, the impression I always felt that it wasn’t time yet, had finally ended. I then felt a strong impression that I would never get pregnant unless I did IVF. When I came home and told my husband we were both beyond excited! We were wondering how we were going to pay for it, but we knew if we put our trust in the Lord, He would provide. Shortly after that my husband called me up and told me he had gotten a bonus from work that would completely pay for IVF. My heart was so full of the deepest gratitude for the Lord and his generosity. When going through IVF, I only made one good embryo and the doctor told me if everything works, we would be having a boy. My heart leaped for joy because I knew the boy I had dreamed of having all these years was finally coming to me.
The day he was born, May 12, 2016, was the greatest day of my life. Seeing him and kissing him for the first time was surreal. My heart was filled with a joy I could never begin to express. My son, Benjamin, is about to turn two. When I look at him, I marvel because he was the boy who came to me all those years ago.
Everything we experience in this life is meant to draw us closer to the Lord. If we have sorrows and pains, if our dreams go unfulfilled, it is hard to understand why sometimes, but I know they are for our benefit. They help us grow and if we turn to God He will help us get through them. We are never alone on our journey even though one may feel that way at times.
The Lord was so merciful to bless me with that dream of my son. For twelve years there was not one day that didn’t go by where I didn’t replay that dream in my mind and heart. That dream gave me the deepest hope and faith that one day he would come to me. I clung to that understanding and that dream with everything I possessed. That dream was sent to me from God to help me get though the pain of infertility, and it did. My pain was replaced by hope and a love for this boy whom I had never met.
The prompting I received that I wouldn’t have children until later in life was the most comforting words the Lord could have sent me. To me those words meant that I would have children, but that it would be in the Lord’s time, not mine. This gave me the greatest peace and reassurance that one day I would have children. Through the Holy Ghost’s promptings, I knew the Lord was shouldering my pain and bearing the weight of my sadness so I didn’t have to. I would think about those promptings often as the years continued to roll by. My faith never wavered because of those simple yet profound words.
Working in the temple completely changed who I was as a person. It gave me the deepest eternal perspective on all things in this life. Working in the house of the Lord, you feel things and experience revelation in ways that can only be felt and experienced in the temple. This is because you are in the most holy place on earth where the Savior walks and resides. Because I chose to listen to that prompting to work in the temple and serve that Lord, I was blessed. God literally did for me as He did for the people of Alma from ‘The Book of Mormon.” It reads, “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; in this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.” (Alma 24:14) He truly lifted my every burden and eased my pain and sadness caused by infertility. I no longer felt those feelings at all. All I felt was a reassurance that the beautiful things that were promised to me in the temple would one day become my reality. That truth ran so deep in my soul that I was forever changed on how I viewed my circumstances.
If we will strive with all our hearts to listen to those small promptings from the Holy Ghost, act on them in faith and believe them, then our trials will be made light. If we can strive to recognize the tender mercies the Lord grants us in our time of need and hold on to those things they will ease our burdens. You are never alone in your trials. He is there for you. Just look around and see what He has done and let it change your life. Let him lift your burdens so you no longer feel them.