Defeating ED (Eating Disorder)

My name is Megan, I am 25 years old. I am married to an amazing man and have one son and a daughter on the way (and they are amazing too!). Here is my story: All my life I have struggled with comparing myself to others, hating myself, perfection, and having body image issues. When I went to college, it seemed like these negative thoughts got worse. I was diagnosed with depression and went to counseling. I was taking medicine for depression and anxiety which helped me a lot. Still, I would have periods where I would do really well, and then times where I was doing really bad. Eventually, I decided to try an eating disorder. I thought that if I could just get skinny, and look like the world wanted me to, then I would be happy. People would love me more and I would be able to do anything I wanted. I would love myself and the guilt from not being perfect would just go away.  I soon got addicted to bingeing, purging and sometimes restricting. I was also addicted to cutting. The guilt and pain I was feeling went away temporarily from these things, but only to come back with more guilt when I was done. It was a cycle that kept going and going. Through all this, I was still trying to keep in touch with Heavenly Father, like I had growing up, but I was slowly shutting Him out and letting more and more of the world into my life. Luckily, Heavenly Father blessed me with amazing friends and family (they supported me so much and I am so grateful for all of them!). They were able to get me help from one of the best treatment centers for eating disorders, The Center For Change. I went to treatment for three months. As I was there, I began to realize that I couldn’t have joy and peace without Heavenly Father and Christ. I couldn’t get out of this addiction by myself. Yes, I had to be the one to choose to get better, but my strength was not enough. I started to rely on Heavenly Father more through this time. When I got out of the treatment center, I had times where I still struggled. I was going through a grieving process of letting go of bulimia and trying to let Heavenly Father be the tool I use to be happy instead. This process is really difficult, but this is what led to my recovery. As I let Heavenly Father back into my life, He helped me to see how much he loves me, how much others love me and how valuable and worth something I was and am.  He helped me to see my potential and helped me to see that I can love myself. Heavenly showed me that just by being me, He loves me. Just by being me, and with His help, I can do amazing things. He helped me to understand that the world’s view doesn’t matter. His view matters and He loves me for who I am, not what I look like.

As I was becoming a better person through Heavenly Father and Christ, I still felt guilt for past experiences. One day as I was pondering how I could be really be forgiven and feel peace, it hit me. I can’t be forgiven by myself. I can only do so much to try to make everything right, and then Christ does the rest. I have to let Him in and take that part. I had to let him take the deep pain, hurt, hate, and guilt that I was feeling. I can be forgiven because Christ truly did die for me. He died so I can move on and have courage and strength to improve. To become who I need and want to become. Without Christ, I wouldn’t have the peace I have today. I would still be trying to cover the guilt that I felt. Now I feel peace and forgiveness. I feel free and have joy. I was able to move on from these hard trials in my life and become a wife and mother to wonderful people. Now I feel that being a wife and mother is my purpose and calling. Of course there are trials and struggles, but because of what I have been through, I know that Heavenly Father will always be with me and support me through the trials and struggles. He was always there for me when I was struggling with depression and bulimia.  He wanted to help me; I just had to let Him in. Heavenly Father helps me to see of my purpose and value every day through his love and tender mercies. This and making sure I am close to Him is what helps me stay recovered and truly happy.

God blessed me to go down the wrong road so that I would know that He and Christ are real and that I can be forgiven of my sins. Here is a video about how Heavenly Father  lets us go down a “wrong path” so we can learn  and come to know truth.

Click HERE to view “Wrong Roads” video shared by Megan.

This story appeared first on Real Imprints.