Resting in a hospital room with my new baby, William, happy and healthy and a wonderful blessing. Blake is nearby, resting, but who can rest with a new baby to love? I look out the window, a rainy gray day in Iowa. I don’t even know where I am really as I have only lived in Iowa for two weeks. We went to the wrong hospital for the delivery! I couldn’t find my way home if I tried. Yet, we found our way and here we are.
No regular traditions this time. No grandparents with a birthday cake for the new baby. No friends to come meet him. Texting and calling just isn’t the same. No In N Out, a tradition we started in Las Vegas, when I was so starving after delivering that I could eat a whole meal AND the chocolate shake. We have nobody but ourselves, a blessing and a curse.
The rain is sad and fitting. The moment is a bit tainted by loneliness and I cry. I usually cry because of the joy of the baby, the fear of the baby, the excitement and feeling of success! But this time, it is a pitiful cry of loneliness and wondering, how am I going to do this? How am I going to take care of four kids in the middle of the woods without knowing anybody. How am I so alone in the stark, sterile hospital?
Yet, I know I am not alone. I have never felt so carried in my life. When I found out that we were moving and I would be 38 weeks pregnant by the time, we were in Iowa, I didn’t once feel scared. I felt empowered. I felt such relief knowing that I could do this hard thing! He gave me the confidence and the strength to push forward. Never have I felt the presence of God guiding me so much, carrying me, guarding me. I was lifted and honestly carried. My wonderful family and church friends helped me pack, clean, babysit, bring food, and even gave me a surprise baby shower. There is nothing like the power of wonderful women who help lift you in the hardest times of life. He inspired them to help me. When we had a hard time finding a place to live, I found an ad on craigslist that met our needs. He helped me find the best movers, hotels and set up a traveling schedule in a few days time and within a budget. He did this because He knew I couldn’t do it alone.
I knew that God had helped me, but I didn’t know how much he had helped me until I started to manage things on my own. When I looked back at my journey and could see His hand in my life, I knew I wasn’t alone. And this is my lesson, I am supposed to feel this loneliness so I will know that I am not alone. I have never felt true loneliness, because I have always had my God to help me. And He, who created my spirit, knows me perfectly and knows just how to calm me and help me to grow. Growth, a painful state, but necessary to reach full potential. And I am grateful for that time, because without it, I wouldn’t know my own strength or the strength of my God.
Follow Heather on her Blog: belles bazaar-heather.blogspot.com
Written by: Heather Bell (Participant of the Unicorn Bell Inspirational Story Contest)
This story appeared on Real Imprints.
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