I have wanted to do well at so many things, but I have blamed my failures on my body. In my mind, many of the following statements would ruminate:
“I am too fat to be able to dance or do gymnastics.”
“I am too fat to be smart or write music.”
“The reason I can’t figure this out is because I am fat.”
“I can’t be good at anything because I am stupid, fat, and ugly.”
This self-talk has paralyzed me. It’s left me not doing things I want to. I give up quickly, because when I get frustrated, I blame it on being fat and then feel the need to obsess over being skinny.
“If I was skinny, I’d be happy.”
“If I was skinny, I would be smart.”
“If I was skinny, I could be good at things.”
“If I was skinny, I could achieve what I want to achieve.”
Then I realized, skinny will not make these things happen for me. Healthy will. Listening to my body will. Having courage to fight back my negative self-talk will.
Recently I have had the courage to work on being more healthier in mind, body and spirit. This started because negativity and failure were overcoming me. I was back into this fat and skinny talk. My perspective was slipping. I started worrying too much about what I looked like and not enough about what really matters to me.
Here are four tools I have found that help me to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit; and to get over the hurdle of failure and negative self-talk.
Listen Instead of Blame
I have obsessed and blamed my body for not doing right things. I have blamed my body for not being enough. Because my body is not enough, I am not enough. Instead of blaming my body, I started to think of all the wonderful things it does. I started to really listen to it. My body can take care of my family. My body can help other people. I learned as I listen to my body I can take care of myself better. I can listen to what my body needs mentally, physically, and spiritually. When I am blaming my body, I don’t have the energy to take care of myself. Once I realized I can come closer to Heavenly Father and feel more peace when I take care of my body, I knew I needed to take care of me. For me. Listening instead of blaming my body, helps me to have more peace. This helps me to forgive myself and forgive my failures. This allows me to do what I need to do and accomplish what I want to accomplish.
Remember I Am Child of God
I truly am a daughter of God. We are all children of God. He loves me and you. We have worth because we are God’s children. He doesn’t care what the world sees. He sees our potential and loves us no matter what. Our body does not determine our worth. This realization is so important. When you see yourself as a child of God, the negative self has a lot harder time coming in. You feel worth and love. You feel less lonely and worthless. You feel more achievement and less failure.
Focus on What Matters. Simplify Life.
Clearing out “stuff” around the house and making my life more simple has made a huge difference in how I view myself. If I don’t have so much stuff to take care of, I have more time to ponder and spend time with my maker. I have more time with my family. More time to believe in myself and work on things I want to. Things that really matter to me. I am not wasting my time with things I really don’t care about. I’m less anxious, and more energized. I feel like I have room to breathe and like my life is a more safe environment to make mistakes in.
Change Happens Slow. Keep Going.
There are some days when I get frustrated with failing and the craziness of life. I just want to revert to the negative self-talk and body shaming. At least I have something to blame right? I know it won’t help. With these falls I’ve realized change doesn’t happen all at once. It takes time. It takes time for us to change into something better. I’m not going to perfectly love myself all the time. I’m still going to fall. But I can choose to let those falls build me up and make me stronger. The falls can help me have courage to keep going. Keep fighting. The failure can make me better.
So, if you are struggling with failure, perspective or even body image, give these things a try. Amazing things can come from being more in tune with yourself. Do what you love and don’t let negative self-talk get in the way. It is worth it.