I was just about to climb into bed, when I came across some texts my girls had sent to their friends. When I say textS, I mean to emphasize the S. They recently found out that their friends have iPods that text so they went a little haywire texting. Text after text after text after text after text to their little friends. After multiple textS with no response, one read “Keep your iPod by you.” I just about died inside. An immediate avalanche of embarrassment engulfed me (for my sake and for theirs). Regretfully, I realized the lack of proper “texting etiquette” I had given them. Then I had a flash into the future and that’s where my thoughts wouldn’t turn off.
I know this time around was innocent and they were little girls excited to use their mom’s phone to feel old and chat with their friends, but as I read the textS, my heart sank for all the girls that send message after message after message with no response. I honestly don’t know how kids and teens grow up with the additional pressure of technology and social media. I don’t think I could have done it. There is so much depression and anxiety right now, starting at such a young age, and I know one of the factors is these amazing devices that make life so much easier in so many ways, can also ruin young, vulnerable hearts. This little experience reminded me of the importance to educate our girls (and boys) about where their worth really comes from and to teach them to live for God first, then for themselves, and not for the acceptance of others or peers.
As I was laying awake with a racing mind about filling the needs of my own little girls, I realized this applies to all estrogen carriers!
1. We like to feel “Normal” – I came across a blog the other day, Momastery, and as I was reading one of her articles, I found myself nodding my head with a big validated smile and thinking, “I’m normal! She’s like me!” She was talking about being unorganized and refusing to use spreadsheets. To be honest, I don’t even think about using spreadsheets, but the fact that she was admitting to being unorganized and not having it all together, instantly connected me to her. It was so validating to hear a fellow blogger was feeling some of the same feelings I often feel. Someone else was swimming in all the demands in their life, and didn’t quite know how to categorize it all on paper, and she was still doing it, and doing a dang good job! She instantly had me. I wanted to know more about her and her blog. I soon discovered, I wasn’t the only one that “liked” her realness – she has over half a million followers, and it’s not because she speaks some secret and profound truth, it’s because she is real and people feel validated when they read her posts. They feel “normal”. We yearn for this! We need to be open with our girls (and kids) and help them know that struggling is normal, it’s not a sign of weakness. We need to connect with them on a real level, letting them see our weaknesses and struggles. It will help them feel normal.
2. We Need to be Needed – If you’re a mom, and if you’re at a certain point in your life as a mom, you may cringe at this one because you probably feel too needed! “mom….moM…mOM….MOM!!!!” rings in your ear all. day. long., but what a blessing those little people are in our lives. We need to feel needed and there are a lot of ways to fill this need, but answering the call of “mom” and “honey” are my two favorites. I’m kind of laughing as I write this because there are times, and I can recall many, where I just want to crawl into a hole and not be needed…just for a moment…but the reality is, there are many who aren’t moms, or wives, or who are in a place where they don’t feel needed at all, they feel very alone. Feeling needed is a yearning of our souls, and if we don’t feel it, we feel broken. What are we doing to help our girls feel needed?
3. Feeling Loved is a Must – Women need to feel emotionally connected and loved. When you think about marital affairs, the man is often unfaithful because of sexual temptations and desires (that is their strong innate need), where a woman is often searching for an emotional connection (which is our strong innate need). Neither of which are valid reasons to be unfaithful, but both are real and natural needs. Estrogen carriers need to feel loved, appreciated, and secure. Unfortunately, girls and women find themselves in really bad situations searching for connection and love in the wrong places. It’s a strong and real yearning for an estrogen heart. What are we doing to fill our girls’ love cup? This is so important so they don’t go looking for it somewhere else! Are we filling our own love cup? We can’t expect a man, who is not wired the same, to understand our needs without expressing them (probably multiple times and with a lot of patience). Spend the time, work, and blood it takes to fill your love cup with the one you are with and have committed to. It’s worth it!
4. We Want to Feel Good Enough – This is almost a malfunction in the estrogen brain I think. Not necessarily the desire to feel good enough, but the fact that we don’t allow ourselves to feel good enough. We are our worst critics! Have you noticed that? For some reason, no matter what we do, no matter how much we accomplish, no matter how many improvements we make, or what we do right, what we failed to do is always what is magnified and in the forefront of our minds. It’s almost comical how women constantly use disclaimers to justify why this or that is not just so. We need to stop! We need to allow ourselves to feel good enough in the spot we are at right now, and not judge or compare ourselves to others or to the girl and woman we want to become. The best test is to pray and ask God if you are good enough. His answer trumps all else. Once you hear it from Him, you’ve got to believe it yourself. What are we teaching our girls about feeling good enough?
The estrogen world is a wonderful place to be. It definitely can have its fair share of rainstorms, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, and full on tsunamis, but the views, peaks, and vistas are all worth it!
God has given us each other for a reason. We need each other! As “estrogenians”, we need to love and unify in our similarities, and stop the catty, judgmental and insecure backbiting about our differences or jealousies. God gave us each other so we could validate, love, need, and help each other feel good enough. It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s a quest. Who likes going on quests alone? Not me. Climbing up a difficult mountain and sharing the experience of all the peaks and valleys with someone(s) else, completely out ways struggling up the mountain alone. Our lives are the same. It’s so much better when we walk along side each other and enjoy our peaks and valleys together.
Don’t forget there are girls and women out there who send message after message after message and don’t feel heard. The natural yearnings of their hearts feel empty. Let’s fill each other up! Whether you feel full or empty, reach out and fill someone else up. I promise it will fill you up too!
But the most important thing to remember, whether we are teaching our girls, or reminding ourselves, is that God is the only one who can really fill the yearnings of a girl’s heart. He’s given us earthly angels and friends to help us along the way, but He is where we’ll find real validation and love. He has a mission for everyone, and if you ask and embark on yours, He will let you know of your worth and His need for you.
-Lindsey
This article appeared first on Real Imprints.